


The Ladder

by Percyjacksonislife



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: AU, Angst?, Fluff, Lots of fluf, M/M, SnowBaz, carry on, most likely lots of angst too, rainbow rowell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-02 12:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10217756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Percyjacksonislife/pseuds/Percyjacksonislife
Summary: Tyrannus Basilton Pitch doesn't remember when he started to fall in love with Simon.  He doesn't exactly know when he first thought about kissing Simon. He just knows that he does, and he knows that he would do anything to keep him from finding out, even pushing him down the stairs.





	1. Chapter 1

Simon Snow will be my dying thought. Everything about him. His curls, his cheeks, hell even his feet will be on my mind. I don't like this though, I wish that my final thoughts could be of something less painful. Though I am uncontrollably in love with Simon, I despise any of my thoughts of my roommate. My father would never like me if I ever told him of my thoughts about that boy. I can't help that I get drunk off of his smile. It's a good thing that I have kept Snow at a distance from me, besides when we sleep, he's only a foot or so away from me then because our beds are so bloody close. So close that when I can't fall asleep I lay in my bed and watch him sleep in the moonlight, it's a beautiful thing really.

I let out a loud sigh as I sit up in bed. Snow is still sleeping, so I figure I can sneak out now while he can't follow me. I haven't had anything to drink yet today.

Just as I slip my shoes on, Snow decides it's the perfect time to wake up.

"Where are you going?" "None of your damn business." He rolls his eyes ( he doesn't think I can see his face in the dark room but I can see every little mole on his face and neck from where I stand.) Simon doesn't question me any further and I slip out to find some rats. I can't be in that room any longer tonight, my mind is driving me crazy.

_Simon Snow is driving me crazy._

He has seemed off lately. He doesn't chase me around anymore when I go places. Doesn't question me about everything that I do anymore. Maybe he finally knows what I am. How absolutely disgusting I am, how I shouldn't even be allowed at Watford. I shouldn't even be alive. But maybe I'm not actually alive, not completely anyway. I'm not even sure how that works, I haven't really wanted to know the answer to that.

It is almost Christmas break, almost time for me to go home. Well, Watford is home, but I don't stay here over break. I don't know if I really want to go home this Christmas though. I would rather spend my break at Watford while no one else is here. I would like to think about everything in piece. I've already told my dad that I'm probably going to stay here, so they don't expect me at home.

When I get back to my room, Simon is sitting up in his bed.

"I'm not answering your questions right now Simon." He looked down at his feet.

"I-Agatha broke up with me. Or I broke up with her. I'm not sure. Did you two actually do anything when I saw you guys holding hands?" I laughed. Yeah I did something, I purposely tried to make you jealous in hopes that you would kill me and end my misery.

"No you fucking moron."

"T-Then what  _were_ you doing?" I shook my head as I took my shoes off. 

"We were having a lovely conversation about plotting your death." 

"Very funny." I swear, he would punch me right now if his hand wouldn't freeze. 

"Just shut up and go back to bed Snow. I'm tired." 

"Baz-I-" 

"What?" 

"Well, never mind." 

"Snow spit it out because I'm not going to be happy if you wake me up later to tell me." 

"I'm good, I won't wake you up. I'm going to go out." He stood up and grabbed his shoes and a sweater before leaving. What the hell is he going to do at 12:30 in the morning? 

 

**Simon**

I don't know why I felt relieved when Baz said that they didn't do anything. I don't know why I wanted to ask him if I could spend Christmas at his house because Agatha said it would be weird if I continued to come over to her place during break. I couldn't ask Penelope, she's mad at me for ignoring her for two days straight. And besides, her house doesn't have enough room to handle one more person. 

It was a crazy thought. Baz and I aren't even friends. I couldn't just say "hey I know we both hate each other but can I spend Christmas with you and your family because I hate feeling alone?" He would probably kill me right there. 

I've never heard him laugh before though, it was nice. He can be a normal person sometimes. I mean I guess he can't, he is still a vampire with magic. Definitely not normal. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon analyzes his feelings for Baz, and as the count down to Christmas break comes to an end, Baz needs to figure out what he is going to do with himself.

**Simon**

I don't exactly hate Baz. I don't know  _how_ I feel about Baz. There are times when I feel like I want to punch him, but when I really think about it I find that I'm not sure if I actually want to. I feel like I'm  _supposed_ to want to punch him. Baz isn't a bad person at all, sometimes he can be a dick, but I know that he doesn't actually mean most of the things that he says. It's like he puts up this wall to keep everyone out, to keep me out, so he can seem like this tough bad guy. When he thinks that no one is around or paying attention, he gently lets his wall down. The few times that I have witnessed the wall fall down it seemed as if it was falling so he could breathe. Like having a wall built around him is suffocating. I can understand that. I spend my summers with a tightly sealed wall guarding me from anything and everything. It really is suffocating. If Baz really was as terrible as everyone makes him out to be he would have killed me already. 

Penny expects me to hate Baz. She wants me to hate him. Penny doesn't think that he can be anything but evil, she says that anytime he ever tries to be nice he is just secretly plotting something. I could never tell her that I don't really hate him. He is just misunderstood by everyone, including me. 

"Simon." Penny snapped her fingers in front of me. I looked up at her. 

"Sorry, Penny." She shook her head, handing me a sour cherry scone and a cup of tea. 

"What do you have on your mind Simon? Anyone I know?" I almost choked on my tea. 

"I'm not thinking about anyone! I just didn't get enough sleep." 

"Did Baz try to suffocate you with a pillow in the middle of the night?" I sighed, of course she would say something like that. 

"N-No, I just didn't get enough sleep Penny. Leave it." She was taken aback by my tone, and so was I. I just want her to stop making Baz seem so awful. 

"Geesh Simon. Sorry. Anyway, are you ready for Christmas break?" No, not now that I have no where to go and won't have anyone to spend time with. Sure, it will be nice to have some time to myself, but I really don't want to be alone now. I wish I could ask to stay with Penny, but I know that I can't. Even if I did ask, she would probably tell me that the alone time will be good for me. 

"What are your plans?" Penny smiled. 

"I'm going to America." Great, even if I needed her for an emergency she wouldn't be around. 

"That's cool, you going to see Micah?" She nodded. 

Great, just great. 

**Baz**

Sitting on my bed with my back against the wall and my eyes closed, I thought about what to do for Christmas. I know that my dad doesn't want me home, he made that pretty obvious the last time I saw him. My dad tried so hard to accept all of this, stuff. He was doing a decent job at it too, but when I came home after being rescued from the numpties I knew they would want me to explain everything. So I did, I told them that I was in pain the entire time, told them that if it wasn't for Simon Snow I probably would have just let them kill me. This sent him over the edge. 

_"Why can't you just be normal for once Tyrannus!" Dad never uses my first name. No one uses my first name._

_"I'm sorry I can't be everything you want me to be!"_

_"You're right, you aren't what I wanted you to be! Your mother wouldn't want you to be this way either!" I flinched at the mention of mom. How could he say that?_

_"Which part of me don't you like dad? Which part wouldn't mom like? The gay part, the vampire part?"  Fiona tried to get me to calm down, rubbing circles on my back and trying to pull me out of the room. I stood still, fists clenched and teeth grinding._

_"Both! Both! I've tried so hard to accept it Tyrannus, but all you do is make it harder and harder for me!" I flinched again. I didn't say anything for a while, just continued to glare at him. My breathing turned heavy._

_"Take me to Watford Fiona."_

_"Baz you really need to rest."  I growled, how could I rest in a place where I'm not welcome._

_"I can rest when I get there. I'm not staying here. Don't expect me home for Christmas."_

_"Baz, please."  She grabbed my arm but I yanked it away._

_"Let him go, maybe he can sort himself out while he is gone." I lunged at him, I punched him once before Fiona dragged me out of the house._

_"I"m sure he will cool off by Christmas, we really want you to come home."_

_"Don't get your hopes up Fiona." The rest of the ride to Watford was silent._

Even now I'm confused about what made him react like that. He has never done that before. Two weeks after arriving at Watford, I received a letter from him telling me to consider staying away for the Holidays. It was a pointless letter, I knew he wasn't going to be over it by then. 

I hadn't realized that I was crying until I felt a tear hit my hand. I sat and cried for another 10 minutes before Simon bloody Snow came back. He stood by the door, his mouth hanging open in shock. He was blocking the door, and there was no way in hell that I was going to lay a hand on him, so I walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut locking it behind me. I heard him walk over to his bed. Though I didn't really need it, I took a shower in hopes of relaxing a bit. I thought about my mom. How she would be disappointed in me if she saw what I am. What I turned into. What I've become. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait for the second chapter, I was super busy! I hope you liked this chapter! Comment what you thought maybe :)


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